Robin Williams: A Continuing Inspiration for Me
I Never Knew Just How Much He and I Had in Common
*Warning: This piece touches on the subjects of suicide and self-harm*
When certain actors or public figures pass away, I find it hard to go back and watch their work, no matter how brilliant they were. I loved Steve Irwin growing up and even though he died doing what he loved, his death hit me hard. Most recently Chadwick Boseman’s passing at such an early age and when it happened still affects me to this day. It’s not something on your mind at all times, but you can feel it in your heart.
Robin Williams definitely tops this list for me. I don’t think I have watched one of his movies since he died almost 10 years ago on my birthday. At least, I haven’t intentionally.
A Kindred Spirit
You may be saying to yourself, well come on now that’s a bit extreme, especially considering some of his movies were my favorites growing up. As a kid I loved Jumanji, Hook, Aladdin, Ferngully…I wore those VHS tapes out. As I grew older, I enjoyed getting to know his earlier works. There was something about the man that spoke to me. And to be honest the more I learn about him, the more he continues to do so even in death.
On the surface I connected with Robin because I felt like I saw myself in him. No, we did not look alike at all, but we seemed to have a lot of the same personality traits. He liked to make people laugh and be silly. I was the same way. I still am to an extent, even as an old fuddy duddy. He loved doing different voices and imitations. I absolutely love doing this to this day. Before puberty, I could do a dead-on SpongeBob laugh.
Even in some of his sillier roles, Williams could bring in a sense of connection and feel with his character and to the audience. There was a need to connect and make someone understand where he was coming from. From a young age I have always tried my best to understand the perspective of others. I love connecting and learning. As an empath, feeling other people’s feelings is also something that has come naturally to me, even if I didn’t know what it was until recently. If I had to guess, Robin also had this trait.
Of course, as we know, some of the happiest people are the ones with the most torment inside of them.
Gone Too Soon
As previously mentioned, Robin Williams passed away on August 11th, 2014. It was the morning of my birthday and I remember exactly where I was when I found out, my immediate thoughts, and feelings. Shock, despair, questions going through my mind. I am not sure when this happened, but it wouldn’t be that long after that we would find out that Robin had taken his own life.
This begged so many more questions. How could someone so happy want to be gone from the world? What pushed him to this point? Didn’t anyone see the signs of what was going on? It was difficult to wrap my head around the fact that someone with so much joy and happiness had so much torment inside of them. Someone giving so much joy to the world yet wrestling with their own demons seemed slightly foreign to me.
I would find out later that not only is this a trait for many people who give off happiness on the outside, I also realized I should be looking in the mirror.
Giving Off Light While Fighting Inner Demons
It is not always the case, but you may be surprised to find out that many of the people in your life that seem happiest and the most successful also have the most internal struggle. Comedians especially will sometimes access personal traumas and try to make humor out of it. In the case of Williams, also an actor, he was always looking to help others and make them feel good, but also wasn’t shy about his own struggles.
Looking up diagnosis on famous people is dubious at best, but there seems to be a general consensus that Robin at the very least had depression, was bipolar, and was suffering from substance abuse. Each of these could be a lengthy discussion on their own, but what’s clear in all cases is this. There’s no one reason why someone is depressed, bipolar, or abuses substances. God forbid you try to look it up on the internet and get bombarded with tons of pseudo-science and “mental health” influencers in 2024. Whoof.
What’s clear is that it doesn’t matter who you are or how successful you are, health struggles come for us all.
Around the time of Robin’s passing, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was also dealing with alcohol abuse. I was given pills for the clinical diagnosis and was doing treatment for the substance abuse. The thing about it though, is that even with those “solutions”, neither problem went away. Pills didn’t make my brain chemistry magically balance and constantly talking about alcohol abuse *shocker*, didn’t really help me get a grasp on it. So, the issues persisted and even while doing my absolute best every day, some issues still persist as I try my best to find ways to get a grasp on them so I can be the person I know that I can be.
There was yet another way that Robin Williams and I were kindred spirits. Happy and outgoing on the inside, tons of turmoil on the inside.
Finding Your Own Peace
One thing that I have found out since his passing is that Robin was incredibly charitable with all of his time, talents, and money. He contributed to over 50 charities and was always a strong mental health advocate. I could list off all of them, but not only can you find them easily online, I am sure there’s plenty of clips of him doing wonderful work as well. We know he wasn’t doing the stuff for the “cameras” as getting filmed back then wasn’t as simple as pulling out one's phone. He was doing it because it was the right thing to do.
In a post a couple weeks ago, I talked about my own random encounter helping someone. I talked about how at first, I was slightly annoyed, but then came to embrace the situation. Eventually, I became fond of the experience. It also helped me realize that when I am at my best, I am helping others. To a fault I am willing to give all of myself, even when I should be focusing more perhaps on improving things in my own life.
Helping people can be its own form of therapy, and best of all, it can also be free.
Continuing To Move Forward
As I mentioned in my health article a couple days ago, I went through a pretty hardcore depression spell over the last few weeks. When this happens, I don’t really talk to anyone, I wasn’t writing, I wasn’t reading, and my phone screen time was through the roof. While these sorts of dips are few and far between, this one was the worst I have had in quite a while. So, now more than ever I am motivated to continue to take the steps that will have me not only just surviving in life but thriving.
It was during this time and shortly thereafter that I did reflect on Robin Williams and who he was as a whole person. He and I were so similar on the surface when I was growing up and as I have gotten older, I have come to realize just how much we have in common overall. He’s not someone that I think about every day in my life but when I do think about him, I see someone I want to emulate and learn from.
I can continue to help others in need. I can try my best to be a person that makes others smile when they see me or when I say hello when walking by. I can continue with creative pursuits that allow me to show my true personality.
I can also continue treatment. I can learn more about my relationship with depression, anxiety, and how to get myself to having a healthy brain. I can make healthy decisions by eating healthier, exercising, and staying away from thoughts and behaviors that are harmful for me. I can also seek help in these areas. Along with finding supportive communities, continuing therapy is key for me moving forward.
The story of Robin Williams is not just a tragic one for me, it is also inspiration and motivation. I want to emulate many aspects of the life he lived, while also trying to avoid the way that his life ended. Thankfully, I believe I am taking the right steps to make sure these things happen, and I look forward to continuing to improve, even as inevitable setbacks come my way.
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This is a well written and personal account of mental health interspersed with the great Robin Williams, I enjoyed this. Thanks for writing Preston.
He was such an admirable person and a reminder that we never know what’s going on inside of someone. Outward appearances can be deceiving.
I commend you on working through your own challenges and struggles and not giving up. It is a difficult road to walk, and perhaps the answer is found in that experience of the person you described becoming while helping others. I’ve had to learn how to take care of myself as much as I take care and show up for others. Baby steps.